The day of the Operation

What can I say? I slept through the entire thing! 
Ok, so that makes light of it somewhat. 

I remember getting up and having a shower, thinking it could be the last one for a few days, washed and dried my hair, no matter what, I wanted to feel “human” even if it was just by making sure my hair was done!  Once settled into bed, I had pre-meds and at that point would have loved a coffee but wasn’t allowed anything at all.   My anaesthetist came in and told me there had been a change of plan and I would be asleep for the epidural, so it was one less thing to worry about.

I thought about my children and Mark and all the plans ahead.  I wondered if Simon Bates would play “Our Tune” on his Smooth Radio show that morning; there was no point at any time I didn’t feel confident this operation wouldn’t work.  After the pre-meds started to work I don’t remember too much of the day.  I don’t remember being anaesthetised or any of the team; I don’t remember even talking to them even though I apparently did!  Guess some things don’t change and talking is one of them!

Anaethetising me took a few hours, I was then opened up with a cut at the side of my back leading into the chest cavity, it's only a cut of about 8 inches long and looks like a smile to me :) Rib 6 was removed and then used later on in grafting; I guess then each relevent surgeon did their bit, moved the heart, collapsed the lungs and then Mr B was able to go in and do what he needed to remove the calcified disc before they put me back together, stitched me up and sent me back to Intensive Care.

So, thirteen hours later I was woken up in intensive care to find tubes attached to my neck, chest and arms, ECG wires monitoring the heart and the chest drain, a rather unsightly box attached to the side of my bed, helping drain the lungs as they re-inflated.  I couldn’t understand why my shoulder hurt so much but later I was because I had been laid on that side for the entire operation, in fact, that was the only pain I felt at that time!  The nurse who was looking after me, Debbie said that Mark was waiting for me outside – wow! That was an immense feeling, I wanted to see him so much. 

I can't explain the feeling I had when I saw him, complete and utter love for this wonderful man who had waited hours,  even now it brings tears to my eyes when I think of the relief I felt that he was there and the relief he must have felt when I woke up.  I didn’t know what the time was, perhaps something like 10.30pm and they allowed him to stay with me for a short time.  He was exhausted, emotionally and physically after doing a full day’s work and then driving two hours to the hospital and having to wait for me to come round.  I was just so happy to see him, and felt no pain due to the high level of medication being pumped through my body.

When he had left, I was left in ICU to think, and wondered why someone would want to enter a relationship knowing they could possibly become my full time carer should the worse case scenario happen.  He wants to look after me though, he wants to be part of my life, the good and the bad.  I don’t know if I have ever felt so much love for one person, he is caring and loving and despite being a man and not wanting to show emotion, I know by looking into his eyes how he feels .  When he stood smiling by my bed as I came out of surgery he said “gonna marry you” and despite my past failed relationships, that is what I want more than anything else in the world.  I cant wait to share the rest of my life with him and with those thoughts I drifted off into a drug induced sleep. 

Bouffle, bought by Mark to keep me company