Wednesday 21 March 2012

6 Months Post Op’s – Time to Reflect

So, it’s my 44th birthday.  Last year on my 43rd I was adamant that I didn’t want to be 43 as it had a bad feeling – they say trust your instinct and I certainly felt it was a bad number! 

It’s hard to imagine that it is now just a little over 6 months down the line from the operations, all of those days in hospital seem a lifetime ago and life returns to “normal”. 

Physically how do I feel?  I have now removed myself from all the pain killers.   I now just rely on the Pregabalin for controlling the nerve damage in my legs, by taking these a couple of times a day, it seems to have calmed things down, although they do feel like they are on fire but they aren’t as jumpy!  The rib cage is still very painful and I sometimes feel a dull ache in my back, but if I can handle this on a day to day basis with the occasional help from over the counter pain relief, then I think I have come a long way. 

Last week I started walking about without the walking stick.  It folds up into my bag and I like the reassurance at the moment that it is there; I still get tired but that’s just down to general fitness and I think that once the good weather has arrived things will improve considerably and we will be able to get out and about and walking again.   I concentrate when I walk and make a conscious effort to try and control the steps and not become lazy when I walk.

Mentally I have a few issues with what has happened to me.  There are always people who are worse off than you however some days self pity and self loathing do take over and I do get down about what has happened.  Maybe it’s impatience on my side but I want to be back to my normal self again, right now.  I sometimes sit and have a cry, looking at the picture on my desk that was taken in London, I wonder where that person is, how much I hate the body I am now living in and feel that there is a further battle ahead in trying to get back to being that person.  I know I can do it but there are some days when it really doesn’t feel like it. 

I know above all I am thankful for what the surgeons did for me, their swift actions into operating that have ultimately saved my legs; nurses and doctors who helped me through those days; the support of my friends both near and far and colleagues who keep me smiling and are there for me when I feel a bit tearful at work and give me a hug; to the “Facebook” family of friends I have and their support over the last few months and their lovely comments when I am having a sleepless night and post messages (and I thought it was only me who had sleepless nights!)  Most of all I have the love and support of my family who have been strong and brave throughout this.  Their never ending patience with me (being a bad patient!), their constant support to friends who have asked and wanted to know more, for carrying on with their day to day lives and still making time to come and see me and look after me. 



I am now looking forward to a fresh start, renewing my interest and work in photography and taking each and every day as it comes. 

So today I feel I am allowed to celebrate my 44th birthday – life begins at 44 now!!!!


2 comments:

  1. Hi please get in contact. I live in Nottinghamshire I have had the same operation in the year 2000.

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  2. please message me through facebook again, I have sent a pm and friend request so hopefully able to talk! Southwell is so close to Lincoln!

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